Saturday, October 30, 2010 1:57 PM, EDT

Tori did well with her feeds yesterday, taking between 10 and 30 ml each time. Unfortunately it isn't as much as they want her to be taking by mouth each time, but it is better than she has been doing. It is so frustrating to sit there with her and know that her eating is all that is keeping her from coming home. Unfortunately when she took the 30 ml for me at 5 PM, she had a brady episode. It is scary to be feeding her and have her face turn blue and her hold her breath.

I can't believe that she is already a month old. Honestly the entire month of October is a complete blur. The days all melt together, the faces of the doctors and nurses, all the same. I hate not having my baby with me...to realize that she has been here an entire month and I have never laid with her in my bed, never woken up at night to feed her, that her brothers and sister Sophia have never even met her. I just want it all to be over. I want her home with us.

I think that the nesting I should have done while I was pregnant has hit! I made William and Sophia help me clean up their bedroom/playroom and move stuff around. Then I decided to rip up the carpet off the floor, it was horribly stained and really bothering me....well now the floor is FREEZING cold, guess I will have to try to find some area rugs to throw over the floor. Sophia LOVES the floor now, because her bouncy ball will bounce all the way to the ceiling, just another reason for me to recover the floor!