Monday, May 31, 2004

Boy, it has been forever since I have updated our blog. So much has happened, so many things have changed in the past siz months. The biggest surprise is that baby number 8 is on its way, its arrival slated for less than 2 months away. I almost laughed as I read the last entry I made in our blog. That I was spending my birthday "not pregnant" and was going to be moving forward in my parenting. Guess God had another plan for us, little did I know that I was probably pregnant as I typed those words! Things had been such a stuggle for so long, that I felt this pregnancy was doomed, but as each day, each month passed by, I have become more comfortable with the possibility that maybe this will turn out alright.

Below is what I wrote in late November, shortly after I found out I was pregnant:
Amazed and overwhelmed. These are the only words I can use to describe the news. All signs point to fact that baby #8 is on its way. I will admit I am surprised, we had been so careful, but I know that this is God's plan. The irony of it all is that I spent much of my 34th birthday 2 weeks ago lamenting the fact that it was my first even numbered birthday in 12 years that I wasn't pregnant. SURPRISE!The timing couldn't be worse. We have had such bad luck here lately that I feel this pregnancy is jinxed. I have this haunting feeling that I won't get to raise this baby, maybe it is just "pregnancy paranoia" since I know the statistics and I don't think any woman could possibly have 8 consecutive pregnancies that result in live children.On a cool sidenote here....a dear friend of mine emailed me over the weekend with a "guess what?" post. Turns out we are both due the exact same day, July 27th! Talk about irony! I feel blessed to get to share our pregnancy journeys, but it is going to take the arrival of two healthy babies for me to breath a sigh of relief.Jay is a bit overwhelmed. He is walking around in that "are you sure" fog that has accompanied each of my pregnancy announcements. He is feeling old, he will be 40 only 2 months after the baby arrives. I know he harbors a lot of resentment towards his dad, who was 50 when he was born, because he didn't have the energy to parent him. He keeps asking "how am I going to find the energy for this?".We plan to hold of telling the kids until Christmas day. I anticipate a lot of negativity from my mother and it is healthier and easier to get through the holidays before springing the news on her. Why she can't see her grandchildren for the beautiful creatures they are and take joy in the fact that her family is growing is beyond me. I know that she worries about the kids, about the affects living in a large family will have on them, about the stress pregnancy will have on me, but you can worry without tossing negative comments everywhere. She did much better with my last pregnancy than she did with pregnancies 4, 5 and 6 so maybe I am underestimating her.As for me, I am feeling good. A pretty intense backache and cramping accompanied what I am sure was implantation. I have started with those wonderful pregnancy headaches. Peeing pretty frequently, but I know it is only the beginning. The fatigue hasn't hit yet, but I know it is close. I have been watching everything I eat, hoping that by keeping my bloodsugars in check that I will feel better.So I start this new chapter, apprehensive about what it holds for me, but giddy in the knowledge that maybe this will turn out alright and in a matter of 8 months I might be holding a brand new baby in my arms. The journey is underway.

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