Wednesday, December 29, 2004

A friend of mine just recently found out she was expecting her third son is a row (she has 2 daughters and now this will be her 3rd son) and asked me for whatever words of wisdom I might have for someone with 3 boys in a row like my Grant, Jake and Cade. I really couldn't come up with any advise or pearls of wisdom, just some random thought:

1) Resign yourself now to NEVER having a clean bathroom. Yes, girls are bad with their hairbrushes and bows and assorted lotions and potions, but that is CLUTTER.....what I am referring to is the fact that no matter how much you beg and plead, little boys (and big boys as a matter of fact) just can't seem to pee without getting it on the seat or on the floor! How hard can it possibly be to get that stream in the toilet???? Probably a good idea to invest in Clorox stock immediately!

2) Don't plan on hand me downs with the exception of church clothes. No pair of jeans or play outfit or gym shoes will withstand the wear and tear of 3 very active boys. What few outfits actually do survive will be so horribly stained that they will not even surfice for playclothes. Wise investiment choices would be Levi, Nike, and Reebok stock.

3) Consider purchasing a farm so that you can raise cattle, chickens and pigs. Do you have an idea what feeding 3 boys as the grow costs? I look at my 14 year old son and see his food budget tripled when I look at my 3 little ones. Funny, none of the boys have ever expressed a desire to become a vegeterain like Emily!

4) Although football seems like a very ROUGH sport, it is by far the GENTLEST on mom. Football programs tend to run all of their practices at the same time on the same day in the same place. Same for the games, they tend to follow one another each Saturday. This differs vastly from sports like baseball, basketball and soccer which will have all three of your boys playing games at the same time in the three places that are the furthest apart. OK so they will spend an entire week CRYING because it is too hot when they first wear their equipment in the 90 degree summer heat, but remember it will toughen them up! So let them slap on a helmet and some shoulder pads and just take your lawn chair and set up camp on the are going to be there all day!

5) The next time you happen to drive by your local hospital and happen to have a couple of extra minutes on your hands, stop by the emergency room and see if the wonderful people at the triage desk are willing to open a file on your family to save you time on what is sure to be numerous visits to their facility. The file should include your children's names (you can skip your daughters names if they are the dainty type!), birthdates, contact information, and insurance numbers. If you happen to be an unfortunate soul who has poor insurance coverage or worse yet, no insurance, consider enrolling yourself in medical school. Mind you, you won't have to stick it out through that whole residency thing, you just have to stick with it long enough to learn how to sucture a gaping wound, set a broken bone and diagnosis a concusion. Of course, there are those mothers amongst us that would say there is nothing superglue and duct tape can't fix.

Those are just a few pointers that come to mind....and in case you are wondering, given my choice, I would take a houseful of boys over girls anday.....I can handle high energy over high drama!


Anonymous said...

I have 4 boys.. here are a few of my favs you can pass on...mine are older so these are the tried and true ones...

Is it replaceable? Is anyone getting hurt?...Does it keep them quiet?

Then there is the popular....if it's within 10lbs... it's a fair fight...

Laura said...

Great additions! Oh the JOYS of raising BOYS!

Anonymous said...

Help me Dude, I'm lost.

I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a plasma tv .

Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger then I'm gonna go home and ask Michael Jackson to come round and watch that waaaay cool surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on my new plasma tv .

And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . .

"You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on "

Strange day or what? :-)

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